The Gift of Life

October 21, 2013

Watching his chest rise and fall, waiting for the fall to settle, and praying that it didn’t, I reflected on the events that had occurred in the past few days that had got us to where we were. Lying in the hospital bed next to Camron, tears started streaming down my cheeks. I carefully grabbed his hand and gently held it in mine, thanking the Lord once again for the miracle that we had experienced, knowing that things could and should be a lot worse than they were. I thought back to the days before the accident, my mind willing it to be a dream, and consciously knowing that I would never wake up from it. Then I was back in the truck again. 

Fall had just begun, the deer hunt was all Camron and his brothers could think about, so we took a weekend vacation to Hurricane to stay with his sister Trina so Camron could hunt in New Harmony, near Cedar city. It was a trip that turned out longer than we had intended. During the time that we were there, I would see Cam late at night, and early in the morning when he would kiss me goodbye, the cool wind would brush my cheeks from the open window, and with heavy eyes I would wish him luck as he left for another hunt, so hopeful that he would have success and his efforts would be rewarded. We stayed an extra night, attending Sacrament and other meetings and then relaxing through all of Sunday, resting up for the last hunt in the morning. I stayed in Hurricane while Camron and his brothers took off to scout out their hunting area. The plan was to wait through the day until Cam got a deer, if he did, or if he didn’t, I would drive the truck to New Harmony to meet him and then we would drive home from there. 

The day began and quickly ended. I had called Camron, and he still didn’t have a deer, but our plan remained. So I packed up our things into the truck, and headed to New Harmony to reclaim my husband from his captors, and take him home to have him to myself. I insisted that I should drive. I wanted to get as much driving in as I could so that Cam could rest and then take the later shift, which was usually the opposite of what we normally did. On a normal night, Cam would drive until his eyes were about to fall out, and I would lay on his lap in the front of our 1998 Ford F150 truck, with my seatbelt on, but loose and comfortable, until he could not drive anymore and I would finish off the trip and take us home. I got to the gas station where we had planned to meet, and we reorganized the trucks and each took off in their own direction.

 We took Brett, Camron’s younger brother, with us to drop him off in Cedar City on our way out of town. After saying our goodbyes to the Cedar City-ites, we drove to get some dinner for Camron and some gas in the truck so we didn’t have to stop again. I was feeling very playful and had been in a really good mood since Camron got in the truck. He talked on the phone while I danced around at the gas pump, trying to get his attention, so lighthearted and cheerful. Then we were on our way. Camron got done eating his dinner and laid down on my lap to get some rest before my energy wore out. I had the radio on quietly so that Cam could get some sleep, and I talked to the radio announcer and commercials as they went on. The road was wide open, and I felt so safe.

 I had no reaction time. Right as I saw it we were headed straight for it. What I thought was a deer was a giant cow lying in the road. Two loud thumps and the jarring to go with it confirmed that we had just hit this huge animal. We were flying through the air. The only thought in my mind was that I did not know whether or not Camron had his seatbelt on. I yelled out for him.

“Camron, Camron! Are you okay? Camron!”

He wouldn’t respond. I watched in horror as everything happened around me, I heard the glass shattering, metal bending, the world around me turning and turning so quickly, but in such slow motion that I could take in every detail. The worst of all, the one detail that will forever haunt my memory, was Camron’s legs out in front of me waving around and twisting in such terrible ways, so uncontrollable, lifeless. The truck finally jarred to a stop, I could tell from the way my body was hanging in my seatbelt that we had landed on the driver side door. I closed my eyes immediately, my lips expressing exactly what my heart intended.

“Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my imperfections, please bless Camron and please bless Karrington, that they will be okay, and please Father, send us help and protection, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

I had avoided looking at Camron before, I was terrified at what I might see, but after my vocal prayer, I felt the strength I needed to see whatever the scene was. Then I heard him moaning. I found my seatbelt and unlatched it, I fell to the window, the only one besides the windshield that wasn’t shattered, I stood and in a split second took in the scene before I started apologizing. Camron had somehow been turned around, his feet now took the place where his head had been, and he was suspended by his seatbelt which was tight around his chest just under his armpits.

“Camron, are you okay? I hit a deer, I am so sorry, are you okay? What is hurting?” I asked eagerly, wanting him to talk to me, I needed to know what I could do.

“My back,” he replied, “my back, it hurts, I need help out of this seatbelt!”

His voice was so weak, it was drenched in agony, and his breathing was labored. He twisted around the best he could and finally reached the seatbelt and unlatched it. He was able to get his feet on my seat and the steering wheel for support, and he put his arms outside the shattered window to take the pressure off his back. Then I heard the man outside the truck.

“Is everyone okay?” He asked urgently.

“We are okay, but Camron’s back really hurts and I am 19 weeks pregnant! We need to call help!” I answered; I just wanted everything to be okay.

“The police have been called, they are on their way.”

Before I could even think, I spoke, “are you a priesthood holder?”

“Yes I am.”

“My husband needs a blessing, will you give him one?”

The man spoke to Camron through the darkness, “would you like a blessing,” he asked. The only reply that Camron could give through his pain and shallow breathing was a simple yes.

The man put his hands on Camron’s head and gave him a priesthood blessing. I was still standing on the driver side window, touching Camron’s leg very gently, not knowing the extent of his injuries, when the man finished with his blessing.

“I am pregnant, will you please give me a blessing too?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“Yes I will.” He replied.

I stood up straight, my head only reaching to Camron’s waist from the way he was standing on the seat and the steering wheel, and the man reached his hands effortlessly into the cab of the truck through the passenger window to give me a blessing. Camron was able to maneuver his elbows just right on the frame of the door to reach my head to participate in my blessing.

I was then instructed to find a jacket for Camron. The darkness was haunting, and the sound of broken glass under my feet was unsettling. I yelled though the truck that I could not see, and a light was handed in to me. I searched though our things, everything so completely out of order, to find something warm for Camron to wear. Although, I knew that he was in enough pain that he wouldn’t even consider putting on a jacket. While digging in the mess, I heard another man speaking, his voice uneven, as if he had walked a long way.

“Is everyone okay? How many people are in the truck? The police are on their way, are you alright in there?”

“We are okay,” I replied, “I am trying to find a jacket for Camron to wear.”

As I was informing the second man, I saw a light through what used to be the back window, and realized that there was room enough for Camron and I to get through, and out of what used to be our truck.

“I need to lie down; can we get out, Sarah?” Camron’s breathing was beginning to sound worse.

“I think we can fit through the back window, it’s broken out,” I explained through my tears.

Just as I finished speaking, I looked down again, and saw blood on my hand. I realized that it was stiff but I didn’t feel much pain, so I continued my search.  I lifted a shirt off of the ground and found our phones right next to each other, so I picked them up and put them in my jacket pocket. Camron didn’t have his shoes on, but he was in desperate need of air and somewhere to rest, that he stepped down onto the broken glass to walk out of the truck. I went out first, trying to hurry to get Camron out as soon as possible. The second man spoke to me again as I squeezed through the window sill.

“Be careful of the glass, it’s everywhere.” He explained.

As soon as I was through, I turned back to help Cam out. I got on one side of him, and the first man was at his other side. We walked a few steps, and Camron couldn’t support his own weight anymore. He turned away from the man.

“You have to catch me,” he said, “I need to lie down.”

Camron let all of his weight go. Almost like a trust fall, he let gravity take over, and fell back into the man’s arms. The man caught Camron effortlessly and set him flat on the ground. I moved as quickly as I could to be by Camron’s side. I knelt down by his head and tried to lift it into my lap. My hand started to feel like it was broken, and trying to hold Camron was too much.

“My hand,” I told the first man, “I think it is broken, will you hold his head up?”

The man didn’t speak again; he just took Camron’s head into his hands. I looked around me, panic setting in, as I saw red and white flashing lights across the freeway.

“Why aren’t they coming over here?” I asked, my voice shaking with my body, “What are they doing?

I felt something then, something hard and strong in my belly, Karrington Jay. She was kicking, kicking stronger than I had felt thus far in the pregnancy. She was telling me she was okay. She was letting me know that she was still safe and warm. For just a moment I felt peace, then I heard Camron moan, and I was back again.

The second man informed me that there were two other cars that had hit the cow before us. I asked if they were okay, hoping that no one had lost their life. He told me that everyone was okay. I looked down at Camron, and caressed his face, telling him that everything was going to be okay. Then I took out Camron’s phone and called his brother in law, Jonny. As I was getting off the phone, the ambulance pulled up, there were so many people, and I couldn’t count them all.

They went to work. Most of them went to Camron, and two women came to me. They started asking me questions, and I kept asking about Cam.  They got me on a stretcher, and carried me to the ambulance. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for them to bring Camron onto the ambulance as well, when they finally did; he reached his hand over to take mine.

I was taken to a separate room in the hospital. They took my pulse, and checked my hands and feet for normal movement, all the while, I was asking for them to listen to Karrington’s heartbeat, and inquiring about Camron. They brought in a Doppler, and placed it on my belly. My heart stopped just as the Doppler detected Karrington’s. Loud and fast, it replaced the silence in the room; tears started streaming down my face once again.

“She’s okay,” I sobbed, “my little girl is okay.”

The next step was for my back and my neck to be checked before I could have my neck brace taken off, and be moved from the stretcher. I informed the doctor that the only thing that hurt was my hand, everything else was okay. As soon as I was all clear, and my hand was cleaned off, I was taken in to see Camron. He was on a stretcher that had been placed on an emergency room bed. He had pillows tucked all around him, and blankets piled high. I came closer to his head and saw everything that was connected to him. He had oxygen tubes in his nose, and other tubes coming out of several areas of his body. I touched his hand, my body was shaking uncontrollably, and I hoped that he didn’t notice how scared I was. The nurses came in and told me that it was time for my ultrasound and my x-ray. I didn’t want to leave Camron, but I knew that he had some pain medicine in him that would help for a moment, and I also knew that it was my job to make sure that my precious little girl was okay. I walked slowly and carefully through a few different doors, finally coming to a dark room with a bed next to an ultrasound machine. I had to have help getting onto the bed, and had to concentrate more than normal to try to get my body to stop shaking. The nurse closed the door, and then I saw my precious Blue Jay. The first view of her was her face, something that she had never wanted to show me before, then her little body, so perfect, so safe and comfortable. She was waving at me and dancing around, having the time of her little life. I was overwhelmed to see everything so perfectly intact. The nurse examined every part of my womb, looking for any kind of distress, or tearing, anything unusual, but Karrington was beyond perfect.

The rest of the night lasted way too long. Camron’s parents and a few siblings showed up, and his brothers gave him a blessing while I was out of the room. I stayed by Camron’s bed and the doctor came to give me my release. I was still shaking, and had a wheelchair brought in so that I could stay close by him. The doctor came back in a few minutes later and told us that all the damage that Camron had acquired was on his right side; his ribs were broken, and his kidney was cut in half and the bottom half was smashed he also had a small laceration on his lung. He had a few scrapes on his hand and leg, and a few bruises from the seatbelt, but other than those, he had no external damage. We were told that he would have to have his right kidney removed, and that we would be lifeflighted to Murray hospital for the rest of his care. We had to wait several hours for the plane to get to us, and when one finally did, it broke down, so we had to wait for a second one to come. While we were waiting, Camron finally fell asleep; I sat by him and listened to his family talk.  I was suddenly in the truck again. I couldn’t snap out of it, I saw it all again, lived every moment again. I felt every feeling that I had previously felt.

Someone noticed that I was staring off into the distance, and snapped me out of it, they asked me if I was okay, and through a burst of sobs, I tried to answer that I was. My mother in law and two sisters came and stood by me, comforted me, and pushed me closer to Camron to feel and see that it was over, and that everything was okay. I then received a blessing from Camron’s brother in law Kevin, in which I was told that I had “angels from both sides of the veil watching over and protecting” me. I was able to calm down a little bit then, and after a few minutes crawled onto the bed next to Cam and closed my eyes for a minute, until I realized that if I closed my eyes I would see it all again.

The plane finally got to the airport, and it was decided that although extra passengers were not permitted on the lifeflight aircraft, in this situation it would be best for Camron, Karrington and I if we flew together. On the way to the airport, I was in the front of the ambulance with the EMT who was a first responder at the accident. Her husband was a highway patrol officer who was also a first responder, and had been in the emergency room with me, comforting me, and helping me with the police report and other things. I was telling her about the accident, and the man that had given us each a blessing. She then described the second man, and asked if that was who I was talking about. I told her no, and described the first man.

“I never saw that man,” she said, “let me call my husband and see if he saw him.”

She then called her husband and asked if he had seen the first man. He told her that he had not seen a man there by that description.

When we landed in Salt Lake City, we were put in another ambulance and taken to the Murray hospital, where my parents had stayed the night waiting for us to get there so they could be with us. After two nights in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital, and two sleepless nights for me, Camron was stable. The trauma team decided that because of the blood in his urine, the part of his kidney that wasn’t crushed was still functioning, and he was given permission to drink clear liquids. Camron and I talked about what had happened to those who came and visited, and realized all the miraculous things that had taken place. We were astonished by the things that happened, the miracles that had touched our lives, things that we would never forget, and how could we? We came to realize that the first man that had helped us was not like any other man. Camron recounted what happened during and after the accident, and when I heard him speak of it, my heart burst within me, I felt a spirit of confirmation as I had never before felt.

“I was asleep before we hit the cow,” Camron says, “but on impact I was awake. I felt the injuries as soon as they happened; the impact caused most of the damage. Then we started rolling, I heard Sarah yelling ‘Camron, Camron!’ but the pain that I was feeling was too much, and I could not respond. I threw my arms and legs out instinctively to stop myself from hitting anything, but I could not reach any of the sides. I looked down as we rolled in the cab, I was spinning within my seatbelt, and saw that the passenger window broken out, and the glass and other debris were spinning around from the thrashing, it was in slow motion, and I knew that I was going straight through my seatbelt and right through that window, and when I did, I would be rolled over by the truck and killed. So I closed my eyes and begged Heavenly Father to make it stop.

“When we finally stopped rolling, I heard Sarah start praying immediately, when she was finished, she looked up at me and started asking if I was okay. I reached over and tried to get my seatbelt off, the pressure that it was putting on the injuries that I had acquired was unbearable. When I got it off, I put my feet on the driver seat and the steering wheel so that I could stick my head out the window, I could not breath, I rested my arms on the door frame for extra support. Then I saw a light, it came up along the freeway then turned, it started toward us, and was there in a blink of an eye. A man with a flashlight started asking us questions, and Sarah asked him to give us both blessings. After the blessings were over, another man and a woman came and started asking us the same questions, and while we were answering them, the first man turned, took three or four steps, and then vanished.

“After a minute, Sarah found that the back window was broken out, and we began to climb through it, Sarah went first, and I followed. As I climbed through, I felt someone grab my right arm to support me. When I looked over, I recognized the face of the man that had given us blessings. He led me to a tree, where I fell back into him, trusting him completely to catch me and lower me to the ground. Sarah had him hold my head for support because she couldn’t do it herself with the injury she had, and when the EMT’s finally arrived, my head was passed from one set of hands to another, but it was as though nothing had changed.”

We both believe within our hearts that the man that helped us was one of the Three Nephites. He was not seen by any of the EMT’s, but as real as your hands, Camron and I felt his. He placed his hands on my head, and Camron’s hands were placed on his. He vanished and appeared without a thought, and he was there when I prayed for protection. Our lives were saved by the grace and the love of God; there are no explanations for the wonderful events that took place. Our things were scattered everywhere, guns and ammunition, chainsaws, climbing equipment, and many other things that should have come forward on impact were sent straight through the back window, away from us. All of the things that we had in the front of the truck with us were no longer there, everything that could have harmed us even in the slightest, was thrown out of the truck or into the back seat. Camron felt that he was being held in place when he reached out his arms and legs, surely he should have hit the things that were loose in the cab. We believe that all of our injuries were sustained on the initial impact of hitting the cow; we were protected from the life threatening situation that we were asked to experience.

I believe that our Heavenly Father knows beforehand the things that are to happen in our lives. I know that we are sometimes called to pass through extremely difficult trials, but our Savior has made it so that we do not have to pass through them alone, or afraid. We are given them to grow, to learn, and to conquer the things that we believed to be impossible to overcome. Many times I relived this experience, and it seems to weigh on me more and more every time, one of the times was in the ICU.

“Sarah, you need to try to sleep,” mom said, “Camron is okay, you don’t need to worry.”

“I can’t mom,” tears began to stream down my face once again. “When I close my eyes I see it all again, it is my fault, I did this to him.”

Mom looked deep into my eyes, a love so deep shining just for me in that very moment. “How did you feel before the accident?” She asked.

I thought for a moment, searching for something that I did wrong. “Honestly mom,” I replied, “I felt great. Camron and I had been dancing around at the gas station, I was singing with the radio. I remember looking down the road and thinking how clear it was, I saw my hands placed perfectly on the wheel, and thinking how awesome I was driving. I was going a good speed, and I felt so safe… and then we hit.”

“Do you believe that Heavenly Father knows beforehand the things that happen in our lives?” She asked without hesitation.

“Yes I do.”

“Maybe those things that you were feeling were Heavenly Father telling you that this was just going to happen. You were doing all that you could do, and this thing was just going to happen to you, and everything would be okay.”

Camron and I were given a bitter cup to drink from, but through the love and the life of our Savior, it was made so sweet. His kindness does not depart from us, we are asked to pass through hard things, but we are never asked to pass through them without His love or his watchful eye. If nothing else, I have the knowledge that I was saved to testify to you of the love of our Lord. When we live our lives as we know we should, always doing our best even when it seems like your best isn’t good enough; we are blessed with the Holy Spirit of protection. Though these times for Camron and I should be a challenge beyond imagination, we have been blessed by a wonderful Spirit that has brought peace and comfort into our home. We know of Him, we love Him, we testify of Him; we strive to live our lives in accordance with His. His gift is the gift of life, a gift that has been given to us. These things that I testify of are true, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.